Reading His Pain
by believable-pen
Summary: Saw him today, strolling along the boardwalk down by the Bay. Seems to be there quite a lot. I'll make a mental note of that. Also 'appears' at the Water Tower by the Millennium Centre. Bloody Torchwood!


_**Reading His Pain**_

Jack smiled for the first time in a while He was glad that the last three months were finally behind them. First Ianto brought a Cyberman into the Hub, ending in desaster. Then the cannibals. Life was getting back to normal. Or as normal as it could be working for Torchwood.

Walking around the kitchen, Jack opened cupboards and drawers, just being nosey. He spied a black leather-bound diary in the bottom drawer. He knew he shouldn't, but the immortal couldn't resist taking a peak at it. After all, Ianto was down the archives and would probably be there for at least another few hours.

Taking the diary up to his office, Jack half closed the door and settled behind his desk. He began to read the entries from the first day…

_Saw him today, strolling along the boardwalk down by the Bay. Seems to be there quite a lot. I'll make a mental note of that. Also 'appears' at the Water Tower by the Millennium Centre. __Bloody Torchwood!_

_Followed the good Captain to the park - was just watching. He was attacked by a Weevil. I couldn't just stand by and do nothing. I had to help him. He's better looking close up 'WHAT __AM__ I TALKING ABOUT! II introduced myself. I think I made a good first impression, although he brushed me off. Try again tomorrow. Use my 'coffee' ploy._

Jack turned over a few pages, knowing what was coming next. Then he read on…

_Managed to find someone who is willing to help me with Lisa - more for his satisfaction than helping us, I think, but I'll take whatever I'm given if it means getting my Lisa back. I know all about him from TW1. Maybe Lisa and I can get on with our lives and I can put this all behind me. I'll be sorry to leave in a way. I'll miss Jack, though._

Jack skipped another couple of pages.

_My life means nothing to me now. Lisa is dead! Jack bloody Harkness saw to that. Why did Lisa kill the Professor and Maggie? Their blood is on my hands and I can't bare it. I've lost everything…Lisa. My job. Probably my life and Jack. Death can't come soon enough._

Jack looked up and sighed. "Oh, Ianto." Then carried on reading.

_Two weeks into my suspension. I'm bored and I don't want to spend another day in this flat alone. But where can I go? Not the pub. Not the Bay. Might run into Jack. It's still too raw. Too painful. I miss him. I miss that coat._

_Tosh came round today. We bared our souls. I told her how I felt about Jack. Seems she feels the same way about Owen. What a sorry pair we are. Both in love and they don't know it._

_I start back to work tomorrow. I'm nervous. Been throwing up all evening. Don't know if I can face Jack yet. What will I say? Will he even acknowledge me? Shit! What a mess!_

_The day went better than I expected. Everyone was quite civil, but it was colder than an ice berg in the Hub. Them towards me, I mean, not the weather. Can't blame them. I'm a leper._

_Life's a little better. At least Jack is talking to me. He says I'll be going out in the field with them soon. Can't wait, but I'm a little apprehensive and scared._

Jack put down the diary and rubbed a hand over his face. He looked at the clock. The others weren't back from a Rift alert yet, so he carried on reading.

_I thought I was going to die! My hands were tied, a filthy piece of cloth as a gag and a crazy bitch with a meat cleaver at my throat. Fuck! FUCK! Was I glad to see Jack come crashing through that wall, guns blazing. My fucking hero (*1*) I nearly pissed myself, I was so scared. My shoes, added to the pile in the corner. Just one more pair. I was left sitting on the tailgate of the SUV while Gwen was taken to hospital. Owen was fussing around her like a mother fuckin' hen! WHAT ABOUT ME! I wanted to scream at them. No one gives a fuck! At least I helped Tosh get away._

_I ache from head to foot. No broken bones, though. A few cracked ribs and cuts and bruises. I'll mend. Wish he'd notice me again. I miss being in his arms at night. The nightmare come and there is no one there to help chase them away…Just a smile, that's all I want._

Jack had to stop reading, as a tear escaped his closed eyes and ran down his face. "I am so sorry, Ianto."

"For what, Jack?" a familiar voice asked.

Jack opened his eyes. Ianto was stood in the doorway. He moved to the other side of the desk in an instant. He saw his diary and took a few paces back.

"Are you angry?" asked Jack pointing to the diary.

Ianto shook his head. "No, I'm glad."

Getting up, Jack walked around the desk to stand before the young Welshman. He looked at the bruised face; fading now, but still visible. The cut to the throat, that could have ended his life.

"Come her," Jack almost whispered, opening his arms.

Ianto went into them willingly.

"I'm sorry, for everything," Jack said, then kissed the side of Ianto's head. "I didn't see it. I should have."

"I meant every word," Ianto told him, tightening his grip around the older man's waist.

"I know." Jack pulled back so he could look at the younger man. "Have dinner with me tonight. I think we need to chat."

Ianto nodded, reached passed Jack and retrieved his diary. "Enough for now, I think." He smiled.

"Yeah."

The cog door went back and the two men could hear Tosh laughing.

"It's not funny, Tosh! I'm covered in slime!" said Owen.

"It's your own fault, Owen. Gwen told you to back off."

"Great!"

Jack and Ianto looked down to see what the commotion was all about.

"What's goin' on?" asked Jack.

Gwen smiled up at him. "Owen tackled a Jurmanium and got slimed for his trouble."

"And the Jurmanium?" asked Jack.

Tosh giggled.

"Fell down and open manhole," Gwen replied.

"Weevil fodder," remarked Owen, shaking slime from his arms. "Yuck!"

Ianto moved to the stairs. "Make some coffee then, shall I?"

"Please," said Jack with a wink.

The dairy entry for that day read…

_I feel alive again for the first time in months. Thank you, Jack. I really do love you xxx_

_**THE END**_


End file.
